Archive for Diabetes me

“I Heart Guts”-Learn To Laugh At Your Misbehaving Organs.

I have a list of humourous diabetes-related slogans that I endeavour to print on t-shirts…that’s a dream for when Lance is a little older, and the current dramas of oscillating BSLs and waiting-for-the-pump become issues of the past.

On a particularly miserable Monday morning, my extremities were about to snap. Yes,despite living in a sunburnt country, we happen to reside in a notoriously cold city, known for its westerly winds and early morning frosts.I had just muttered a list of expletives as I tiptoed across the icy floorboards to grab Lance’s insulin. The reason being that my 2am bsl check that I perform on Lance nightly flashed an offensive 19.5mmol/L at me. I couldn’t believe it. He was 7.7mmol/L before we went to bed. I began assembling the insulin pen it so I could administer the life-serum to my sleeping son. Before I left the kitchen, I held it at eye level, whilst checking for air bubbles, and said out loud, ” Pleeeease do your job, you’ve been terribly slack lately!” in an exasperated, pleading tone.

The insulin was delivered into a perfectly exposed spot on Lance’s tummy, thanks to a button that had come undone on his Tranformers pyjama shirt. I was thankful that I didn’t have to put my icy hands on his warm little body. I was too wired to go to sleep, so I plotted a few days blood sugar trends on www.sugarstats.com. All done. I googled the word: “pancreas” just for the hell of it. I had already had a conversation with an insulin pen, found myself drumming out the rhythm of the theme song that gets so much airplay at our house-…Transformers, more than meets the eye..” with two innocent pencils on a stack of books, so why not look at a bunch of pancreas pics whilst I was at it? I mean, I know it isn’t standard 2am behaviour to engage in, but after the craziness of the past weeks, it made sense that I appeared to be somewhat delirious.( My only witness was our devoted whippet, He isn’t going to tell anyone about his Master’s mother and her early morning cuckoo antics…)

The nights events came to an unexectedly hilarious peak when I discovered this.

I was so intrigued to see such creative and hysterical use of a pancreas! I chuckled quietly to myself as I read on. The folks at www.iheartguts.com are devoted to making internal organs come to life with snappy little catchphrases, and their products are perfect for those with a troublesome condition that is usually wrapped up in a stockpile of seriousness and only ever mentioned in hushed tones.

 They boast an impressive range of t-shirts, featuring all of your favourite organs for men and women. (Lance is getting the “Gimme Some Sugar” shirt in a ladies Size Small.) They have stickers, pins and even plush, colourful replicas of your sick, tired, or damaged organ, all with a guaranteed belly laugh or two.

 Why not give his pancreas a voice? It may as well be used for something..

Ha. I just imagined a sad little pancreas with a weather-beaten, six-year-old “For Lease” sign stuck in the middle of it. The humour is rubbing off!

For anyone who has problems with their liver, pain from their kidneys, a literally “broken” heart, a devastatingly vacant uterus, synapses that are slightly askew in their brain,or a spleen that is more trouble than it’s worth, you must visit www.iheartguts.com , even if only for a good old-fashioned guffaw. (However, something tells me that the uber cool design, plus the given ability to have a laugh about your imperfect organ, and the passion shown towards guts in general will find you with your credit card in hand, ready to purchase a rib-tickler. It worked first shot with me!

I’m tired of Diabetes being so serious and overwhelming. I caught myself frowning in the mirror recently, and I actually gasped aloud at the deep folds of skin that have developed in my brow. ( I quickly made an appointment and dashed off to get a professional sea weed facial and a miniscule jar of cream that allegedly “plumpens prominent wrinkles with continual use”… It worked psychologically anyway..) The first thing that came to mind was Botox,( I then slapped myself for being so absurd and narcissistic,) and just a few seconds later, I decided that I really need to concentrate on how a quality of life that Lance doesn’t  know exists, and  that I have long forgotten existed will be handed back to us significantly, once we commence insulin pump therapy, and, that one day, Lance’s pancreas will welcome a bunch of excited, lively, brand new islet cells that will deliver insulin when required without any intervention from him or me.

Thank you SO much to the team at I Heart Guts.

You are the first to make me laugh-out-loud and slap my thigh at my son’s defunct pancreas.  :D

 

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The L Word..and The N Word..and Dreaming in Mmol/Ls.

There are two words that my Mum says everyday that I have grown to really not like.

 

NOVORAPID AND LEVEMIR.

They are the names of my insulins. I have an injection of both twice a day. Sometimes, if my blood sugar is crazy, I have to have extra Novorapid. If THAT doesn’t work, I have to have even more Novorapid. That’s 6 injections a day. I can’t wait until I get my pump :D

Did you know that my Mum and I both dream in bsl readings?

My Mum dreams that she looks at a price tag on a dress, and it says 10.7mmol/L!!!!!

I dream that I see signs on the road that say that we have 22.4mmol/L to go until we get home, or that petrol costs 13.2mmol/L per litre!!!

From now on, I made an agreement with Mum that we only call my insulins the N word and the L word.

Oh! I got a email from my good mate Brendon in New England today! I was very happy that he wrote. I hope that one day we can meet, and we don’t even mention the D word, and just have loads of fun.

 

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My Baby Has Type 1 Diabetes. Welcome Home!!!

Lately, I have had a glut of phone calls from people who know a family that are dealing with Type 1 Diabetes diagnosis, and for some reason, they end up with my details.

JDRF Australia estimate that there are 5 new cases of Type 1 Diabetes diagnosed everyday.

In the past weeks, I have spoken to mothers who have not slept more than an hour for two weeks straight, fathers’ who have had to pick up the pieces and continue running the household, and big sisters who are suffering in school because they are falling asleep in class from lack of sleep.

When Diabetes invades, it gives no warning, and it’s just like everything you have been doing for the past years with your family has to stop, and a new plan and system has to be installed to accommodate everybody.

I wanted to make a list for people who have just had a young child diagnosed, and who have been too overwhelmed with hospitals, doctors, drips and diets to fully grasp what they are going to come home to. I have tried to include some of the more challenging situations as well, as it’s always reassuring to learn that someone else has been through it before you!

Here it is..my very extended version of how to deal with some feelings and situations that often go unspoken.

 

*Obviously, your child will have been very ill before you were told to rush to the hospital. You may have washing to catch up on, general cleaning.. It is a fantastic idea (rather than flowers or gifts) if your family can join together to hire a cleaner, so that you at least can exist in a clean environment, without the everyday burden of housework.

*When your child is finally discharged from the hospital, it is a very overwhelming experience to walk into your home-pre diabetes. Diabetes Educators and nurses are encouraged to have the family involved as much and as soon as possible with finger pricking, giving injections, and taking care of your child, just as you would as if you were at home. The constant visits from your Diabetes Care Team and family often distract you enough that you haven’t even come to terms with the fact that your child has been diagnosed with a chronic illness. As soon as you can, make an appointment with your GP, as you will no doubt be in severe shock, and only just beginning the grieving process. Your GP can offer you lists of Support Groups in your area, Diabetes Educators, Counsellors. If you have more than one child, it really is imperative that the main care giver (at least) is able to vent and learn some coping mechanisms with this new full time responsibility.

*All hospitals in Australia ensure that a newly diagnosed patient visits or contacts Diabetes Australia in their state, and becomes a member of the National Diabetes Services Scheme. The NDSS will provide huge discounts of your everyday requirements, such as test strips, ketone strips, and syringes or needle ends for insulin pens. Often, major diabetes drug companies will give families a glucometer at no charge-obviously, you weren’t budgeting for all of this new equipment. (We are so lucky living in Australia, test strips are often no more that $1 for a pack of 100, and syringes and needle ends are free to those with a NDSS card. You will receive a card whilst at Diabetes Australia, or with your order.) When you arrive back at the hospital with bags full of new and foreign items, a diabetes educator will sit down with you and run through how to load an lancet device, or how to get a glucometer ready and waiting whilst you get a sample of blood to test. Ask as many questions as you need to- that’s what they are there for.

*Most endocrinologists who are looking after your child’s insulin requirements will offer their mobile number or a private number, so that you can administer insulin doses yourself, whilst still knowing that your child will most likely be safe under the endocrinologist’s orders. NEVER FEEL AFRAID OR LIKE YOU ARE GOING TO WAKE UP THE DOCTOR: the endos often take it in turns week by week to answer the phone-they are well versed and non plussed regarding a panicked query at 2am with a 2.3mmol/L reading. It is much better to call the doctor, than to rush back to the to the hospital and put your child (and you) through more trauma.

* Your endocrinologist will be able to fill out a form for you called a Treating Doctor’s Report. You will have to fill in one too, and upon returning them to Centrelink, you are entitled to the Carer’s Allowance, which assists people with high maintenance Chronic illnesses-like Type 1 Diabetes- with medications, healthier choices at the supermarket, and emergency after-hour doctor fees.

*Were you not told about about a product called GLUCAGON whilst in hospital? If the answer is no, make an appointment the very next day so that you can get a script from your doctor. Most children are in the Honeymoon Period when they are diagnosed, so the risk of a severe hypoglycaemic attack is quite rare. However, they do happen, and the Honeymoon Period will eventually pass-whether it be days or months after commencing Insulin Therapy. You need to ensure that you have the “orange plastic box” with a prefilled syringe of sterile water and a vial of powder inside. There are clear and concise instructions inside the lid of the box, and also paperwork with detailed information included in the box. You will need to have this product with you, wherever you go, or somewhere safe and accessible in the house. IT HAS SAVED MY SON’S LIFE ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION.

*Store all of your insulin away in the fridge as soon as possible. The vials or pens that you will be using on a daily basis should live in a cool area, preferably inside a dark coloured, plastic snaplock box. Find a good place where every member of the family can reach the insulin,glucometer, test strips and lancets, and it’s really helpful to keep it all together in one larger clear box with a lid. Insulin not being stored in the fridge has an effective life of 30 days. Any longer, and it is very obvious that the insulin has lost its strength, as you will have high numbers bouncing all over the place.

*You will need to learn to travel everywhere with a hypokit, either in a backpack, or in the case of a Mum with a young baby, you will need a huge nappybag with lots of zips and pockets. A hypokit should contain: A Glucagon Kit, ample jellybabies or jellybeans, fruit juice in a box with a bendy straw, some plain biscuits and muesli bars to give your child after you have treated their hypo, a sachet of sugar, honey and jam, (in case you have to rub into the cheeks of a baby who is hypo and screaming,) an identification card with your child’s photo and name and your contact details, clearly stating that the child has TYPE 1 DIABETES. Your endo, GP, educator and spouses details are handy to have speed-dialled into your mobile phone in emergencies.

* You will have to have hypokits around the home, too. Even if it’s a jar of jellybabies on top of the pantry, or a shelf in the pantry devoted to treating low blood sugar, that everybody in the household knows is exclusively for hypoglycaemic emergencies.

* You will need to find a suitable bracelet or necklace and get your child’s name, contacts and condition engraved into it. There is a fantastic Australian organisation called diabetes-ezy who have really modern, funky designs,(especially for young boys!!) rather than the clunky, unflattering Medic Alert handcuffs of ten years ago.

* When your child is first diagnosed, and commences insulin therapy, it is a really, horrible and stressful time, as blood sugar levels can fluctuate from 2mmol/L to 30mmol/L within an hour-even when little food is consumed. It’s a lifesaver to buy a cheap exercise book, and make notes about what was happening when a hypo/hyper occurred, if there was any outside stress, illness, excess energy expenditure, too many carbohydrates or too much/not enough insulin given. Eventually, you can start to piece together the puzzle and work out the warning signs of a potential emergency, and learn about your child and their Diabetes. (It does seem impossible at first, but speaking from the hugest Doubting Thomas there is, eventually,a bright, shiny lightbulb will appear above your head.)

* It is particularly annoying having to write down every finger prick result. A lot of logbooks designed for recording blood sugar readings never have enough room, and end up in a huge, confusing mess.  Again, an exercise book with a pen attached is initially handy to record the number on, then, at the end of the day, you can record ALL of your child’s results into a program such as www.sugarstats.com . You can then print out the results every 3 months to give to your endo.

* There is no denying it..Diabetes causes strain or stress even in the strongest of relationships/marriages. Don’t let Diabetes take over the family..it is so easy to say this now of course, but back when Lance was diagnosed, all I did was watch him breathe, read every book from the library about Diabetes, collate numbers and averages for the week, sit in bewilderment asking myself over and over again why this could have happened….I can see myself cramming as much information as I could into my head, and my marriage slipping away everyday without me even noticing. Find time to talk to one another, even if you are so exhausted that you can barely think, even 15 minutes of strictly non-diabetes talk can do wonders. It’s still important for your partner to feel as though he/she means exactly the same to you before the diagnosis. If anything, they are more important now than ever before! It’s just so incredibly important to TALK.( And drop the D word for a few minutes each day.)

* It’s vital that if your child needs to see an emergency doctor/pharmacy/dentist that they are informed promptly about your child’s condition. It basically has to sound like this. “Hi, this is my son, he is 7 and he has had Type 1 Diabetes for 5-and-a-half-years. He has regular insulin injections.”

* I have always made people very aware of Lance’s condition. I feel that no matter what age of the child, that it is really important that people know that your child has diabetes. Your child will feed off your confidence, too. (It’s almost at the point where I think Lance is proud of his Diabetes, as he will often engage in conversation with complete strangers and tell them about his adventures living with the Beast.) In older children, who remember a world without Diabetes, it can be more difficult, but in all seriousness, you are protecting your child by educating them to be proud and say “I have Type 1 Diabetes.” It could even one day save their life.

* Many parents ask me, ” I am never going to have my life back again, am I? or “When will I start to accept that this isn’t going to go away?” The good news is that you will most certainly have your life back again. It is often helpful to look at Type 1 Diabetes as a new lifestyle, more than a potentially life-threatening chronic condition. You do what you always did before the diagnosis, and ensure that your child receives their snacks, meals, insulin, exercise-along with lots of love, hugs and Mum/Dad-time. Naturally, your garden may have a few more weeds, or you mightn’t have your floor mopped until it sparkles everyday, but you do what is important first, and ensure that your family realises that they have extra responsibilities now. The other question is a tricky one. Recently, after almost 6 years of living this regimented life, I got really angry, and I was furious that I wasn’t “allowed” to have a minute away from Diabetes. There is no holiday. There is no weekend off. Diabetes Burnout is totally normal and very common, and can re-occur at any stage of being a carer. You aren’t a bad parent for wanting you old life back. You aren’t a weak person for feeling guilty that your child has your genes. You aren’t a terrible person for wanting to scream everytime you get a horrorshow reading on the glucometer. However, after a while, when levels start to become more regular, and life begins to develop a familiar pattern again, the hypos will settle down, and the nasty surprises become a rarity, you can suddenly recognise that “WOW! I have some control back!” Unfortunately, it does take time, and it takes a lot of work. With support, and there is SO much available, you can get through the sticky patches and get back on track again.

* Your child may be very anxious about resuming school, after being diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. Ask your paediatrician if he/she will come along to your child’s class,(most are very obliging,) and explain how sick your child was, and give an age-appropriate explanation of what Diabetes is. They will make sure that the teacher is thoroughly aware of looking out for symptoms of hyperglycaemia or hypoglycaemia-as will you! Parents often fret more than than the child about returning to school with Diabetes! In fact, many children are very interested to learn about Diabetes or witness a hypo or a fingerprick! A child with Diabetes almost receives hero status for being so brave to have to stick needles into themselves all day long. It is a responsible thing to do to write a letter to the parents of your child’s classmates, and really drive home the point that “Lance had no control over developing diabetes, in fact there was nothing anybody could do to stop it from occurring.” At 5 years of age, Lance was the unfortunate victim of being the only child in his preschool class to be un-invited to his best friends birthday party. When confronted, the parents admitted that they were too wary to ask me about what to do about cake, soft drinks etc, or if the party was ruined should an ambulance be called. Inform parents that you are going to be with your child at events such as birthdays,sports days, get-togethers,  and that you will be constantly monitoring their levels-insulin-activity ratio. A birthday is a reason to get down and funky with some serious birthday cake; there is NO reason for your child to miss out. Chances are that they have been so busy enjoying themselves that they actually needed some carbohydrates anyway, and even if they are at the higher end of “normal,” I can assure you they will not mind in the least at receiving a unit or two extra of insulin!

* It’s a positive move to use words and phrases like..”Lance had a hypo today, didn’t you sweetheart? We worked as a team to get you feeling well quickly though, and we had you safe again very quickly.” rather than “Oh God..Lance had a serious hypoglycaemic attack-it was a really bad episode.” Same deal applies for “Lance is a little high today, we’ll just have to keep a very close eye on him today, lots of water and maybe some jumps on the trampoline, buddy?” rather than “Get the ketone sticks, get him to pee on a stick everytime he goes to the toilet, his blood sugar is through the roof! This has been a really bad hyper-I wonder what he/we did wrong?” Kids actually do panic when they hear their parents speak even in hushed tones about serious issues. Stress is only going to accentuate the situation. Try to remain as calm as you can and re-inforce that your child is going to be fine. Let them know that you have everything needed to get their blood sugar level back to a safe range again, and that they just have to take it easy and relax. “Your level is bad/good” should be replaced with “Your level is high/normal/low.”

* The best thing that ever happened out of Lance’s diagnosis was discovering the amazing, inspirational team of people who devote their lives to working for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. (JDRF Australia.) Lance has had so many incredible experiences as a result of being a Youth Ambassador. He has met with politicians, and even travelled to Parliament House in Canberra. In fact, after this Jelly Baby Month, Lance and I have raised $6000-funds that go directly towards finding a cure. JDRF have a fantastic website, and bi monthly magazines that come out with the latest news regarding the hunt for a cure. Lance has featured in national and international publications, and he has become a well known face in our city. JDRF provide kids with Type 1 Diabetes with the tools to become powerful public speakers, they have enhanced confidence and strive for the best life they can live. Contacting this organisation is possibly the very best thing you can do for your child. It costs very little to become a member, and the benefits received are priceless.

* This is still an issue that I have great problems dealing with. For the first 5 years after diagnosis, I had huge anxiety attacks about leaving Lance with someone who doesn’t have “the trained eye.” By joining a local support group, you are going to meet other parents who know your situation only too well. Often, if it is a couple’s wedding anniversary or there is another important event that is not child friendly on the calendar, other parents will be only too happy to watch your child for a few hours. Of course you are going to be a nervous wreck, and be sneaking off to make check-up calls, but at least you made it out the door without a glucometer in your handbag! Often a family member who has gathered the major concepts of the too low-give sugar, too high-give water and “call me ASAP!” are great standbys also. The first time I left Lance with others, I had to end up coming home, because I was so distressed and distracted, but I have since learnt that he would be horrified to see me bursting through the door if he knew I was supposed to be out enjoying myself with friends!

Also, words like “amputation, kidney failure, heart disease, blindness or coma” should definitely not be used in front of your young child as examples to explain the serious nature Type 1 Diabetes can be to those who aren’t “in the know.” Kids with Type 1 Diabetes often lose a big part of their childhood from going to appointments, having blood taken from them regularly, dealing with sick days, missing out on camps, not having a sleepover without you on the sofa bed in another bedroom, sitting out a soccer game because they are low… They really don’t need to know about any of these terms until they stumble across it themselves. They have quite enough to deal with as it is.

* There are times when your child is sick, or very vulnerable, and you mind trails off, wondering if or when complications are going to set in. A nurse told me only 24 hours after knowing that my son had Type 1 Diabetes, that at least I could be assured that I would have a “good 15 years left with him.” I returned to his cot and cried and sobbed, envisioning losing my son at 15 years of age. When the head nurse hurriedly appeared after learning that there was a mother in great distress, I was so paranoid and confused that I actually made her show me written evidence to prove that a child with Type 1 Diabetes can have a long, happy and adventurous life. I can understand now, that even in the six years since Lance was diagnosed, that there has been SO much progress made- there was a time where maybe that nurse was told to give parents of newly diagnosed babies such a ghastly “timeframe”. Nevertheless, I was informed the next day by the Head Nurse that she had been given a crash course of Type 1 Diabetes for the 21st Century!!!

*Whilst in hospital, most Diabetes Educators or nurses will ensure that you speak with a Dietician. Sometime before you arrive home, you are going to have to get someone to go to the supermarket and buy essentials. You will learn why carbohydrates will become your child’s new best friend, and all about the Glycemic Index. It won’t take long before you know what works well for your child and what to avoid. Some kids have huge fluctuations if they drink cow’s milk. Lance can eat 5 mandarins and his blood sugar will not budge. A perfect example of how each child and each case of Diabetes is different.

*I am often asked what changes I have had to make to Lance’s diet since he was diagnosed. As an example, (and as as he has become a robust, ravenous 7-and-a-half year old, who is going through a MAJOR growth spurt,) I have listed what he has eaten today.

A nutritious example of a diet complete with calcium, 2 pieces of fruit, 5 servings of vegetables, and plenty of wholegrains for Lance would be:

Breakfast (after finger prick and insulin dose)

A serve of rolled oats (oatmeal for our American friends), a watered down glass of Apple Juice, and an apple cut into segments.(skin on.)

Morning Tea: 10 grapes, 2 plain biscuits and a tumbler of water

Lunch: 2 slices of grainy thick bread, with pizza vegetables and grated cheese and grilled with fresh herbs, a glass of milk.

Afternoon Tea: Slice of Gluten Free Apple and Walnut Tea Cake, glass of apple and pear juice.

Dinner: A serve of protein as big as the palm of my hand..(chicken breast, white fish, lean steak) accompanied by roasted starchy herbed vegetables eg potatoes, pumpkin, sweet potato, carrots, corn…and/or steamed green beans, broccoli. A Tub of yoghurt for dessert or home made Apple Crumble.

Supper: Water Crackers, cheese cubes, sultanas and 1 square of chocolate.

As you can see, there is a LOT of food consumed throughout the day! You will quickly learn that apple juice instead of orange juice will keep your child’s blood sugar from soaring to 12mmol/L and more likely keep it at 7/8 mmol/L and for a longer period of time. It’s really important for your child to go to bed with a blood sugar level of no lower than 7mmol/L. I am happy if Lance is 7.5mmol/L just before he closes his eyes. Night hypos or “Nypos” are frightening and horrible, not to mention dangerous and even life threatening. I have had people question giving Lance a square of chocolate before bed… Chocolate actually has a low to moderate count on the Glycemic Index, and it is great to be able to reward him for taking such good care of his body all day long! I can’t emphasise how important it is to give your child supper before bed, even if they did a great job with their evening meal.

* At my first formal Diabetes “class”, we were all told about how people with Diabetes will take longer to heal regarding skin abrasions/illnesses. Lance actually sneezed during that session. Everybody looked at me like I was supposed to instantly whip out disposable paper face masks… Sure enough, later that evening, Lance’s BSL was HI and his temperature was through the roof. He was coughing and crying and I sat down beside his cot and imagined that it was going to take 6 months for him to heal from a cold. He had fully recovered in 4 days. If he falls and grazes his hand, some extra care with some antiseptic lotion and he has gorgeous new pink skin a few days later. Diabetes is often about making smart(er) choices, and taking extra care. Most issues can be dealt with just like a person without Type 1 Diabetes if you use common sense and stay aware and alert.

*My hugest fear as a parent and carer of a child who has Type 1 Diabetes….Gastro Viruses. Ohhhh… I am already out in a cold sweat just thinking about it. Here’s the deal. If you child is a toddler or very young, and suddenly sends a huge cylinder of vomit flying through the air, everything is going to change from that moment on. You are going to have to have your glucometer strapped to you, and wait for whatever the last insulin dose you gave to wear off. Expect a hypo-strong words, I know, but it’s reality. After being sick, little kids, and sometimes even older children are not going to want anything going near their mouthes. Panadol, ice, glucose tablets will all get thrown back at you. They are naturally afraid of such a repugnant reaction to happen again-so they will not eat, even if you cry, beg, plead. If you are on an insulin pump, the Gastro Bug isn’t as scary. However, if you are doing it old school via insulin pens or syringes, you are going to have to contact a member of your Diabetes support network to help you work out how much insulin to give. Even though your child is sick and not eating, INSULIN MUST STILL BE GIVEN. You just have to give less of it, more frequently. If you start getting high readings, and your child is hot and crying, press a ketone strip into their nappy, or if they are old enough, explain how to use them. If you see colour changes in the ketone line, you need to go to hospital immediately. Diabetic Ketone Acidosis (DKA) is a life threatening illness that occurs when the body starts to self-cannibalize itself, as a result of not enough insulin. Your baby will have to go on a drip, to ensure that they do not dehydrate, and most kids recover pretty quickly when a vomiting retardant such as Maxolon is given through the drip. However, be prepared for psychological issues for a few days. Some kids are scared to eat again in fear of repeated episodes of vomiting. Start with baby steps-ice chips are great. If they are happy with those, you can move up to Lucozade ice chips. Then sips of lemonade, or a piece of toast…eventually they will gain their confidence back. My family are all nurses, and love to tell me about how their is wards full of people in hospital with stomach viruses that are unshakable for 2 weeks….I tried to be a superhero once, and sit through a week of crying, fingerpricking, irrational behaviour, triple the amount of washing to do, checking temperatures, giving hourly insulin…it’s just a nightmare. I know now, that if it’s going to happen, and there isn’t any signs of recovery within 24 hours..off to hospital we go.

*On that note, it is really great to teach your child to learn to become a vigilant hand-washer. Without encouraging obsessive compulsive behaviour, it’s good to get your child to wash their hands before they eat, have their own individual portions of food, wash their hands if they have patted the cat or the dog, and an antibacterial wipe over your child’s hands after being at the supermarket/doctor’s surgery/pharmacy can never hurt, either.

*Almost six years on, I have learnt so much..and I’m actually proud to say that I worked most of it out by myself. There is nothing more heartbreaking than jabbing a baby with needles, and sending yourself around the twist as you watch them breathe as they sleep. I got there. I have a child who stands almost up to my shoulders to prove it. He’s as strong as an ox and as healthy as a horse. Don’t forget to enjoy your baby, even if you have to deal with Type 1 Diabetes. They are only so little for such a short time..they are still perfect little blessings that need to be saturated with love and care. You will get there too! I already have a little man who smothers me with love and hugs. I guess, even throughout the thousands of needles and fingerpricks, he figured out that I love him unconditionally.

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Second Wind.

I have managed to extinguish a lot of frustration and anger since my last post. I feel as though I have struggled my way up through a swamp of quicksand, and I can honestly say that I do feel emancipated from some of the burdens that were weighing me down.

My sidekick in all things Diabetes, Liz and I spoke at great length about the many frustrations and setbacks we have gone through in recent times. We both are full time carers of a loved one, and we got talking about how our situations are so similar. We decided to come up with a list of questions, and interview each other and compare answers. As soon as I have Liz’s responses typed up, I will post them. They are powerful and controversial questions, and she has provided equally powerful answers.

Stay tuned for my next post, and check out what Liz and I decided were questions that are rarely or never asked, and her responses to those that are appropiate to her situation. My responses to the same questions will be posted on Liz’s blog, www.jimneydandme.com.

In regards to burnout, I only need to look at my gorgeous son-it made me realise that Diabetes isn’t the sum of him, and it needn’t be the sum of us as a family.

  Perfection

 It’s easier to say than do, but I am going to be making a consious effort to do everything I can for Lance, in terms of ensuring that his Diabetes is cared for to the best of MY ability.Then we continue to move on, living with Diabetes, but still devouring the gift of everyday we have with each other. I am going to “bury” the remainder of the accumulated concerns I have gathered up along the way. They have been tripping me up for so long now, and it’s time to accept the way that Diabetes affects us and continue on our journey. Afterall, it is imperative that I am a healthy, well adjusted role model for Lance. I want to help him grow into a confident, self-assured man who is happy in his own skin, and who just happens to have Type 1 Diabetes.

 

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Burnout.

I always wondered when it would happen.

The day that Diabetes whipped me into submission.

I have been struggling for a while now. It is evident everywhere I turn. I am so tired of living with Diabetes. I feel like I am trapped in a maze that has no way out, and when I do find the possibility to escape, there’s a menacing, laughing jester priming an insulin pen or waving a glucometer that is flashing HI at me.

It’s been 5 years and 5 months since Lance was diagnosed.

Over the last 2 months, he has had the most voracious appetite. I haven’t even finished cleaning the breakfast dishes, and he is suggesting what he can eat next. That’s the problem with doing insulin administration old-school style. That rush of rapid acting insulin devours any carbohydrates in sight.

Lance went through a period of about 10 days where 90% of his readings were over 20mmol/L. I averaged between 2 hours sleep a night, and had to face the following day with school, housework, insulin management, fingerpricks and FOOD.

I made an urgent appointment and stumbled into my doctor’s surgery. He called my name, and I fell into the designated chair. He greeted me with his usual charasmatic welcome, I didn’t need to utter a syllable for his expression to transform into one of grave concern.  

I spilt everything. I told him about the correction shots, being tied to the kitchen, Lance’s ever-present hunger, the obstinate readings.. He pushed a Kleenex box gently in my direction.

I didn’t have strength for tears.

The doctor asked me to bring Lance in. We sat down together and fiddled about with numbers, adding more units of this and decreasing less units of that. It just doesn’t work. Lance ends up having up to 8 injections a day if I don’t stick to the insulin doses that I have formulated for him.  However, I was willing to give anything a shot. (Can’t be bothered to amend the pun.)

I was so desperate I even gave Lance a course of worm tablets, even though Chino and Luna are wormed regularly. His contact with other children could just as easily have passed on some ravenous little suckers.

The worm tablet course didn’t do any harm, but it didn’t assist the situation a single bit.

Finally, it dawned on me that the reason for this catastrophic behaviour is entirely due to a massive growth spurt. Lance’s head now pops over the counter at the doctor’s sugery. His physical strength is absolutely stellar. He now sports long, lean limbs, and if you study his face for long enough, you can just visualise an impression of what his features are morphing into. His body is writhing with growth hormones, and as a result, he sleeps for 12 hours, and then eats for the other twelve.

His fingers are red raw from obtaining samples to measure blood glucose.

His tummy is swollen and bruised from his injections.

Insulin is vanishing from the fridge in astronomical amounts.

The only part of my day that provides me with some joy is watching my son learn, and knowing that he is learning to spell and do sums in his head because of my teaching skills. However, we are constantly interrupted by the growling of his stomach.

Even though this is Lance’s condition, and he undergoes the injections, fingerpricks and severe hypo attacks, a large proportion of it has always belonged to me. Sure, I don’t feel the physical horror of a hypo, or know the sensation of blood with the consistency of toffee flowing through veins during hyperglycaemic episodes. However, I set the alarms when it’s meal time, insulin injection time, I do observations during the night, I take over insulin injections hourly during sick days.  Without the reading of food labels, spending $400 on appropriate food a fortnight, measuring, carb counting, food preparation, cooking-all whilst avoiding salt, fat and gluten- he would be in quite the predicament.

I’m not having a pity party for myself here. Hell no. Type 1 Diabetes is a condition where you have to struggle forward and push aside as much grief as you can, so that you can breathe joy and energy into your child’s life. 

However.

 

I didn’t realise that without taking an hour or so out of each day just for ME would cause such an emotional disaster. Whilst battling to retain my son’s quality of life, I’ve unintentionally misplaced my own.

I managed to express these feelings to my doctor, who agreed that I definitely needed a break. He suggested a weekend away by myself. That would be the worst solution I could possibly think of. I am the only one who knows Lance’s diabetes. I can tell just by the sound of his footsteps and the tone of his voice if there is a violent storm brewing. I know that hysterical laughter and non-stop chatter means that he needed more insulin 5 minutes ago. I know that totally irrational behaviour, foot stomping and tears means that it’s time to get back into the kitchen and start slicing and dicing.

My doctor knows me, Lance and our situation very well. He gently nodded his head when I suggested that geographically isolating myself from Diabetes and Lance wouldn’t provide me with a fresh, new insight. He knows that I would be a sitting on the edge of a hotel bed wound up in a knot of terror, clutching the phone with one hand, and checking that my mobile phone is switched on and charged with the other.

I relented, and agreed without hesitation to have 12 weekly consultations with a psychologist, who specializes in grief counselling.

I am up to Session 2, and despite the fact that Psych Sara didn’t know what Type 1 Diabetes was, we really work incredibly well together. ( I was very impressed that upon arrival of Appointment 2, she had obviously researched the condition quite thoroughly, as she spoke about complications, day-to-day challenges and short and long term goals.)

She has enrolled me into a Stress Management Program; she is quite certain that she will be able to help untangle the mess I have got myself into. She will also be looking at techniques to help me become a slumber queen, and she is going to attempt to unlock my subconscience and allow myself to remember that  once, I did have a baby without Type 1 Diabetes, a happy and blissful existence with my then husband and a successful career. At this point, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder has rendered those days as null and void; my life as a mother beginning only as I struggled to keep my baby from drifting in and out of consciousness as we sped to the Children’s Hospital. For me, this is the beginning of my son’s life. If it wasn’t for photos, clothing and other varied forms of proof, I would blatantly deny that there was life before Diabetes. I desperately want to know about the year he spent as an apparently healthy, happy and blissfully serene baby.

So I have some work to do.

School is still progressing very well. I average three hours a day cooking food. I receive unconditional love from my son, and I get immense joy from our pets. I have accepted that I am doing the very best job that I can, and that I am not an computerised machine, expected to perform at the highest possible level of perfection. I accept that I need to sleep for good health. I have started on a B group vitamin to help get me through the winter. I have no doubt that my immune system is shot, and I need it to function well this coming winter, so that I can be the mother that I expect myself to be.

I don’t really have the perfectionist personality type, however, the overwhelming desire to protect my son from the insidious nature of this condition has transformed me into an obsessive, ranting, constantly worrying un-Kate like being who is only truly happy if Lance’s blood sugar levels are between 6mmol/L and 10mmol/L. 

 Spending over five years with an unwelcome and disruptive houseguest, day in, day out, has left me cynical and tired. Tired of the routine, tired of the appointmenrs, tired of explaining why this and why that, tired of having to alter my arrangements because of the unpredictable nature of Type 1 Diabetes. Yet there is absolutely NOTHING I can do about it.

 I am very single, very independent, yet very alone.

 Recently, I had a friend telling me about how she spent the night in Brisbane with her friends; they all went out and enjoyed the live music circuit. Something that I would have once done. Her four children were safe and sound in the hands of her brother’s girlfriend.

Type 1 Diabetes doesn’t have good or reliable enough manners for brothers’ girlfriends to take care of it.

I can recognise and admit what I let myself become was not just Lance’s mother, but also a Human Pancreas, more dysfunctional than the one that started this destructive rollercoaster in the first place.

I smile because of my son. I laugh at his quirky ways. I am grateful for my friends. I am fortunate for my parents’ support. I am blessed that I still have a civil relationship with Lance’s father.

There’s no other words for it. I’m just burnt out.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  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The Dark Days

She used to be young enough to still be a girl, but she could act like a woman.

The days were long and hot and mangoes and frangapanis were abundance and an aromatherapeutic delight.

There was lots of laughter, colour, pictures, movement, chatter, hugs.

Long after you were in dreamland, she would visit her secret garden.

There was herbs in the corner, cactuses up high, hanging baskets that would leave a shower of fuschia petunias every morning, and little pots of sunshine everywhere. In the middle was the most beautiful white orchid. It had an orange throat with rich purple tendrils curling. There was a chair in the corner, if you needed to visit the stars, or see the man in the moon.

Every morning she would wake to a surprise in her garden.  Early sun rays had coaxed out a bed of new colour. Brand new seedlings unfurled themselves and reached up to feel the sun. You had a little orange watering can with a yellow handle, and you would water that garden everyday.

It wasn’t long until she had the most exquisite array of colour and perfumery right outside our door. Spring had worked its wonder, and left a sight to behold.

Spring had changed you, too. You were quieter, distant.  She had grown to love you even more, with every day.

Then those days happened. You were in the epicentre of a wild hurricane, that sped with fury through your body. She was holding you tight, singing to drown the screams, she was losing you.

She didn’t know it, but parts of her were chipping off, becoming brittle.

She didn’t know that the laughter would soon stop, and the long days and nights of torment and fear would begin.

You were too little to tell her what to do.

She never saw you smile like that again.

Things were different now. Life was regimented, polite, aloof, sometimes overbearingly loud with silence.

Your cheeks that were full and red like a juicy plum were gone, and your eyes were dull and filled with fear.

She couldn’t remember what it was like to just be a girl. Nobody could tell her what was going to happen each day.

Soon, you grew strong again, and you shuffled along clumsily with her in your new life.

 

Whilst you would sleep, she would watch, study, observe, dream.

She didn’t open the door to escape into that garden again.

It was begging for love and attention, however it soon became pure weeds and overgrown. It had no beauty, no power anymore.

Music didn’t fill her with joy, words were just shapes on pages, food was just to sustain life, she was still all yours, but she looked different in a photo. It wasn’t really her, was it? No. She had a huge scar, that had almost shattered her in two. She was only holding on because of you. It was so real you could almost feel it, touch it.

You were you again.

You laughed a lot, and grew a lot, and before she knew it, you are right in front of her.

Parts of her died that day, eroded away, (she had no say…) in her secret garden.

 

Life keeps going and growing….

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Dear Birthday Fairy…

I turn 31 on Monday.

31 candles.

I am sitting here pondering about how living with diabetes has changed ME.

Sometimes, I find it difficult to remember how I was. That’s okay though..the whole circle of life thing..I accept that we all go through different stages in our life, it is just really infuriating that I REALLY liked who and where I was before the diagnosis.

I used to be a crazy op-shopper. I’m not talking about Mary-Kate Olsen boho gear, but I loved the thrill of the chase. Finding a designer bargain in my size that some old love had marked down to $2 would see me skipping down the street, chuckling with glee.

I used to walk for miles, exploring the beauty of Brisbane’s southern suburbs, arms full of mangoes, bags spilling over with frangipanis.

I used to visit an old Lebanese man in his shop. He made the most incredible turkish delight and baklava..we used to chat about anything and everything.

Speaking of which, I used to talk a lot more, too. People who know me will think that’s a scary prospect, but I spend too many hours just reflecting these days.

The excitable, girlish trill in my voice is no longer present; I’m too tired to even fake it.

Knowing that five years has already passed doesn’t overwhelm me.

Knowing that Lance has Diabetes doesn’t overwhelm me.

Knowing that he is growing up before my eyes doesn’t overwhelm me.

But the fact that I was a happy, life-loving, free-spirited 25 year old, who had just started living the life I had carved out for myself, does overwhelm me. My marriage ended, the laughter ended, and, just like that, it was all about Lance, me, and a tiny box named “insulin.” That’s it.

SO…. 31. Single. Looking. The beginning of the ascend to 40. At the end of the day, I still have to measure up insulin, prepare food, be wary that Lance doesn’t scoff too much cake on the side and spend the day monitoring him whilst flashing the occasional faux smile.

I’m not complaining, or feeling sorry for myself; I’m just telling it how it is.

Oh Birthday Fairy, please send me an original and exceptional  man who will love me for who I am, love Lance for who he is, and accept Diabetes as merely a bunp in the road when it comes to the grand scheme of things.

Handling and raising an energetic and incredible child is a joy. When the sugar levels aren’t where they should be, that’s when I really miss a pair of loving, warm arms to scoop me up and and give me some sugar. (And I don’t mean nutra sweet either!) I want the real deal, become I could desperately use a little lovin’.

I dare you, Birthday Fairy…send me my man before I’m 32. (31-and-a-half would be preferable!!)

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An Example Of My Doctor’s Sense Of Humour..

It is recounted that at King’s College in the Strand around the time of the war, the Chief of Services would inevitably begin the year’s rounds by teaching “a singularly important principle of medicine.” He asked a nurse to fetch him a sample of urine. He then talked at length about diabetes mellitus. “Diabetes,” he said, “is a Greek name; but the Romans noticed that the bees like the urine of diabetics, so they added the word mellitus which means sweet as honey. Well, as you know, you may find sugar in the urine of a diabetic…”

By now, the nurse had returned with a sample of urine which the registrar promptly held up like a trophy. We stared at that straw colored fluid as if we had never seen such a thing before. The registrar then startled us. He dipped a finger boldly into the urine, then licked his finger with the tip of his tongue. As if tasting wine, he opened and closed his lips rapidly. Could he perhaps detect a faint taste of sugar? The sample was passed on to us for an opinion. We all dipped a finger into the fluid, all of us foolishly licked that finger.

“Now,” said the Registrar grinning, “you have learned the first principle of diagnosis. I mean the power of observation.”

We were baffled. We stood near the sluice room outside the ward, and in the distance, some anonymous patient was explosively coughing.

“You see,” the registrar said continuing triumphantly, “I dipped my MIDDLE finger into the urine, but licked my INDEX finger, not like all you chaps.”

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“More Than Meets The Eye”

 

 

My Transformer

This is Lance, proudly displaying his “Transformers” tattoo.

You would never guess that his blood sugar level was 22.3mmol/L.

Anyway, just wanted to share a photo that melts yet breaks my heart.

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Warning:Pancreas’s Are NOT Pretty!

My Mum and I have been looking at pictures of the human organs.

We found a picture of a heart, and kidneys, and then we came across a Pancreas.

Ew.

Did you know that your pancreas is a grey but mostly yellow organ?

(The heart was a nice pink colour, and actually looked like a heart..well, sort of.)

Look at this picture.

Ready?

Normal Pancreas

I can’t believe that this is a pancreas! The cause of my problems looks like this!

It just looks like a gross yellow Capital L.

 

 

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